


let me know

by justanotheryeoja



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotheryeoja/pseuds/justanotheryeoja
Summary: Johnny thought that Ten plus alcohol is a bad equation, but it seems like a blessing in disguise.





	let me know

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this before the start of my previous semester (which was 5 months ago) and I seriously forgot to post it since school work got me busy. I'll divide this in two parts lol. the next chap will be up next week :)))
> 
> **might contain typos :( sorry :((

The only working lightbulb in the room starts to flicker in accordance to the chilly sensation of the midnight breeze.  The creeps from the entire scene quickly grew on Johnny’s nerves which made him feel eerie and tiny. Thirteen other people are trying to fit themselves in the same small room where he sits in the middle with a generous space, surrounded by the others who managed to make sure they’re all around the tall guy despite of their obviously uncomfortable positions. Sharp gazes are directed straight to him, he can’t think straight, and he can’t keep his composure. Receiving pairs death stares all at once will never make anyone feel nice in the first place.

“Okay, Johnny.” Taeyong strictly spoke with both hands on his waist. Standing like a mother who’s ready to scold his son for hours. There was a pause and Johnny sighed, scarred.  He glanced at Mark, who looks at him with a softened expression now, but the guy next to him is sticking his fucking tongue out and mouthing an inaudible ‘ _loser’_. That’s Donghyuck. _Who do you expect?_ There was Jaehyun too, standing behind Taeyong while doing funny faces. Pretty sure this rascal is making him laugh his ass off in this very critical situation—which will surely put Taeyong’s anger level on extreme, but _hell_ no, Satan! _Not today_. On his right, he stared at Yuta and Jungwoo. Their local soft boy tries his best to look angry but he failed miserably, and the Japanese kid’s giving a sharp glare so better shift from that view. Left side of the room is for the Dreamies. All of them are looking at Johnny now, but with half-lidded eyes. Seriously, give these kids more _sleep_. Doyoung was there as well, holding his glowing _vroom vroom_ mic right in front of Taeyong. _Oh_ and there’s Taeil, holding a cellphone and angrily calling every single person on his phonebook. Sicheng, Kun, and Yukhei are in their language classes at the moment. The entire group is nowhere near his side now. _Okay, Johnny Seo._ He told himself. _You’re done_.

“Where is Ten?!” Added Taeyong. The boys surrounding him nodded in several ways, showing that they’re also itching for a reply, so they could find their missing number, slash member, Ten, and go back to sleep. Because it’s 12:45 AM, _for fucks sake_. Johnny rolled his eyes, and sighed for the nth time that night. This one came out so tormented. “I really have no idea! I swear!” Answered Johnny in the most stressed tone he could use.

But he’s been saying the same set words for more than an hour now and everyone still asks him the same set of words as well. Here’s the case, Ten Chittaphon Leechiayapornkul is missing for the past two hours, or maybe longer since it’s already bedtime when Jaemin noticed that the dirty dishes used during dinner are still lying untouched on their sink. It is Ten’s duty to wash them for the entire week. No one panicked at first for the Dreamies thought he went to 127’s dorm or simply anywhere with his Johnny boy. It was all calm and good, until Yuta called the Jisung from the 127 dorm and asked if Ten is still up because they must talk about the latest season of Black Mirror. After that was pure history. “That’s impossible!” Taeyong said, voice echoing in the entire room due to the mic Doyoung’s holding. _Yes, the 127 members are more childish compared to the Dreamies._

“Why the hell would I keep Ten?!” Johnny hated the fact that he must explain this.

Doyoung frowned. He moved his mic towards him. “You told me he’s a keeper!” He yelled right into the mic. He’s angry and it shows in his expression, yet the sound of the mic broke everybody’s forming sleepiness. Such a pleasant wake-up call.

For the first time since the past hour, they all wished Doyoung would shut up and keep his glowing mic. “That’s not what I mean, bro.” Johnny replied, annoyed. Picking a fight with Doyoung sounds so good right now, but they’ve got bigger issues to solve. His boyfriend is missing, and no one knows where he is. Taeil suddenly spoke up, standing next to Taeyong and Jaehyun. “We need to find him before our managers drive their asses here to pick us up!”

The word ‘ _Mangers’_ left them all shocked. The 127 guys sneaked at that time of the night, saying that they want to visit the Dreamies and bring them food, wherein they only need a very good reason to leave the dorm and look for that little _bitch_ named Ten. It took them more than 30 minutes to finally hear the sweet sugary ‘ _Okay, but wear masks and stay away from the crowd’_ from their managers. Mark even cried and said that he misses Renjun so much. Donghyuck wanted to puke so bad that moment. They all lied just to get there. And as promised, the managers will pick them up if they stay there too late. Time check. 1:01 AM. They all need to sleep. “If our managers knew about this, we all dead.” Jungwoo interrupted while looking at the wall clock and ended his stated with a yawn.

 “Maybe we should pretend that we fell asleep by the time they arrive, so they will let us stay here until tomorrow!” Yuta suggested excitedly.

Jaehyun took his phone out and tried calling some trainees. “Or maybe we should cut this useless talk and start moving to find Ten.” He glared at Johnny. There was something in his eyes that sparked a flame in Johnny’s blood. It’s intimidating. There were signals being sent, and these signals are too indecipherable. “Are you just going to sit there all night?!” he followed, and it finally ticked Johnny off.

“I’m trying to think, Jaehyun!” Responded the other, holding onto the smallest piece of sanity that’s left right now. Despite of being close friends, Jaehyun pisses him off during certain circumstances, and count this night in.

The last time he talked to Ten was exactly 22 hours ago, when Johnny got home from a radio show schedule. He was very busy the next day, he forgot to check on Ten. “Among all people here, aren’t you the one who’s supposed to look after Ten the most?! You are his boyfriend! You must know –”

And that was a problem too—Johnny getting all the blame just because he is Ten’s boyfriend. In their relationship, which seems to be synonymous to perfection, it was _never_ a requirement to know every move of your lover since it’s clear that they both have different daily schedules. Constant updates are optional, and Johnny doesn’t want Ten to feel like he’s actually dating a detective. They’re both busy too. Ten is the clingy type though; he keeps those messages and calls coming. No one in the group wants to get in trouble because who the hell wants to face serious scolding from the managers? Johnny and Ten tries to stay away from the line every time. But now that Ten crossed it, his better half must face the consequences. They’ve been interrogating him for hours now, and they’re not getting new responses besides ‘ _I don’t know’_ and _‘I have no idea’_. Jaehyun’s burst out is definetely not helping.

“Damn it, Jaehyun! ” He stood, voice loud and clear. Finding the finish line in this kind of conversation is not his forte. However, he must stand up for himself. For Ten. For the both of them. “Yes, he is my boyfriend! And a big yes, I know he’s missing for no one knows how long! Do you think this is fucking easy for me?! Yes, I’ll take responsibility now that he’s not here. You guys are mad, worried, and maybe disappointed that he did such thing to the point that you all want to scold him or me so bad, but please, put Ten on top of our priorities now.  I’m beyond anxious and why not instead of playing this blame game, let’s just do everything to find him?!”

The room was silenced. The youngsters were wide awake. That was a heart out. “Words, Johnny. Words.” Taeyong reminded, pertaining to the kids next to them. Too much cursing in that one. It sucks that they need to get involved in this chaos. This time, they all placed themselves in Johnny’s shoes. They all felt guilty too, realizing that this interrogation is not taking them anywhere. Johnny looks worn out as well. It is visible that he needs Ten right now. “Point taken.” Jaehyun answered after digesting the other’s words. “Sorry, Parrot.” He apologized, hiding behind Taeyong.

Johnny nodded. “I am…sorry, too.” The boys surrounding him asked him to sit down and Chenle sprinted out of the room to get him a glass of water. “Okay. What should we do?” Taeil questioned, ready to make the plan.

“All we have here are our phones. If we leave the dorm and split into groups to find him at this time of the day, without any clue about his whereabouts…” Doyoung spoke, playing the same mic he’s holding earlier. “…we might receive penalties much, _much_ worse than facing the wall.” _Suspension_ , that’s what he meant. They all wore a worried expression.  Chenle arrived with the glass water for Johnny, which the elder immediately consumed

All of a sudden, Sicheng came rushing in the room, badly gasping for air. He’s from 127’s dorm, his Korean language class just ended and none of these earthlings told him to head straight to the NCT Dream dorm.  _Did he ran a marathon before reaching the room?_ “Guys!” he called, leaning on the doorframe for support. “I checked Johnny’s closet! Ten is not there!” _That was very helpful, Sicheng. Thank you._ Johnny choked on his beverage, making a mess.

“Why would he be there?!” Jeno asked, clueless and confused.

Sicheng smiled and walked towards the younger. “Ten and Johnny hid there before when they’re hiding from Taeyong! Probably m—” Jaehyun and Jungwoo tried to move towards Sicheng to prevent him from spilling the beans. However, their combo didn’t make it. “Making out!” Too late, Sicheng smiled innocently. “Oh my, Sicheng! We have kids here!” Yuta said, covering Jisung’s ears.

“We ain’t on _The Return of Superman_.” Sicheng countered. “We have grown ups here. They just wanna have fun ‘cause they’re hot and they’re young.” _Try better next time, boy._

Jeno still looked confused. “Okay? Jaemin and I will make some calls so please do excuse us from your TED talk.” Chenle’s been yawning from time to time, but he took his phone out and continued sending cute messages to Ten. It might urge him to come back home. “I told you, we’re just eating pretzels inside the closet!” Johnny yelled in defence. “Okay, that’s enough! They’ve been out of the closet a long time ago! So just an update, we still can’t reach Ten. His phone’s still off.” Taeil interrupted as he flashed his phone in front of Johnny, showing that he’s been trying to call the Thai boy for more than 80 times now. Ten rarely shuts his phone. This is a serious matter.

“Yukhei and Kun said they’re not with Ten.” Taeyong butted in.

Sicheng took his phone out and tried calling the Thai too.  “Yukhei skipped language classes again. Dumbass bitch.” He complained.

Jisung and Renjun are talking to the managers on the phone, using their charms in requesting their elder brothers to stay a little longer because they missed them. Mark scratched his head just like everyone and tried to recall if Ten mentioned any plans to leave during their conversation earlier today. “What should we do now?” Mark sounded so sad.

They all remained silent, focused on their phones as they all searched for Ten. Donghyuck thought of an idea. “That’s it!” he stood up in the middle, took his phone out from his pocket and smirked. “I’m calling the cops!”

And for once that night, their teamwork was put into a test as they stopped the _evil_ , I mean Donghyuck, from his plans. “No!” they all shouted. “Why not? Ten is missing!” Mark threw a pillow right on the latter’s head. “Do you want us to be in bigger trouble?” Mark questioned.

“Do you want to find Ten?” He answered, looking at Mark.

Mark rolled his eyes. _Why must he deal with this guy all the time? Oh, yeah, they’re boyfriends_. This time, Johnny made his move. As the one being responsible for Ten, he should be thinking for a better solution for this mess. He can’t wait to see Ten later and punish him for misbehaving. Of course, that punishment _doesn’t_ involve anything sexual. Just a long-ass argument with some exchange of sarcastic passive-aggressive statements which might eventually lead to a very good sex. Ten’s loves an infuriated Johnny in bed though. “Let’s separate the group.” He proposed, talking as if he’s experience enough to find a missing person.

Yuta angrily stood up. “Stop separating people, Johnny Seo! Don’t be like SM!”

And for the second time that night, they all agreed. First class tea they have right there. They all cheered and clapped as if they’re ready to fight and sue their company for pushing their members away. “Ohhhhh! Tell em’, boy!” Sicheng’s voice owned the entire room.

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie!” Taeyong added, raising his phone and pretending to take a video of Sicheng.

They were all having so much fun until Doyoung’s phone rang. “Oh. Shit.” He mouthed as he showed the screen to the members. It’s their manager, again. They panicked. _No, they still can’t fight SM._ Abruptly, Jeno grabbed Doyoung’s phone and asked every stay silent _. What is he up to?_ Nervous, the other members watched him. Jeno swiped that green button and pressed the loudspeaker on. “Hello, Doyoung?” The manager on the other line said with the scariest voice they’ve heard so far tonight.

“Uhhmmm, it’s Jeno.” He said, voice quite raspy and low.

The manager gasped a bit louder, but his voice became gentler. “Oh, Jeno. Are they still there? They need to go home, it’s already late!”

“But…but…” All the members are sitting close to Jeno, breathing on hold. If this one messed up, they’re all done. “But…we’re doing yoga exercises right now. I heard its good for relieving stress and aids better sleep.” Who the heck does yoga at this time of the day?! No one in the group knows yoga too. Johnny face palmed, Taeyong and Jaehyun patted each other’s back, the Dreamies decided to kick Jeno out of their apartment later, and the others screamed internally. _They’re done._

However, the manager still responded. “Yoga? Who teaches yoga at this hour?” Taeil mouthed _‘Youtube!’_ but Jeno has plans. “Ten! Ten is teaching us yoga right now!” Shocked by what they heard, the boys’ jaws dropped. ”So…please give us a little more time. We’ll call you when the session is over! Thank you! Bye!” and the brat ended the call right away, giving them all a sigh of relief. They never thought that Jeno could come up with such alibi, although they’re not sure if the manager bought such lame excuse. “Bro, what was that?” asked Jisung.

Jeno passed the phone back to Doyoung. “Trust me, it works. I used that excuse once when I went out with Jaemin.” He confessed happily. “Now, tall person…” he glanced at Johnny. “…keep talking.” And where did he stopped? _Oh! The separation_. Johnny took the limelight once more, all set to lead the pack. “Let’s divide into groups. Taeil, Taeyong, and Jaehyun will search the nearby convenience stores. Nearby stores only, understand? Just look around and observe. Yuta, Sicheng, Mark, and Donghyuck, will go to the coffee shops. Doyoung, stay here since the manager might call you again anytime. I’ll make the calls to our close friends. I’ll ask Ten’s sister too, without giving her a hint that his brother is missing.” Not wasting anytime, they went to their designated groups, but the Dreamies look unamused. “Ah, you guys. Go to sleep.” The elders grabbed their coats and masks to cover their bare faces. Just before they could leave the room and start the hunt, Johnny’s phone rang. The sound is too loud—louder than Ten’s high-pitched shrieks during happy hours. He pulled it from his pocket, expecting to get a call from their manager too. However, the name on the scene surprised everyone. It’s from a member who skipped his language classes, Yukhei. _What do you want, man!?_ Johnny thought. The other gave him a weird stare yet urged him to take the call, and he did. “Hello?”

The other line is a bit noisy. The sound of club music is just too distinct enough for Johnny to conclude that Yukhei’s in a club. There’s also a voice of a man in the background, saying incoherent words; drunk as _fuck_. “Johnny, it’s Yukhei.” he said, voice gentle as ever. “I need your help.” _Oh no. Not now!_

Desperate, Johnny’s willing to turn him down now or maybe ask someone else from the group to help him. “Uhmmm, Dude, I...I’m afraid I can’t help you now because we are still looking f—”

“Ten?” Yukhei cut him off. “I’m with Ten right now.”

Finally! It’s over. The missing kitten is finally found. But hey, why the fuck is he with Yukhei? And why did he kept it from everybody? Hours ago, they texted Yukhei for the same reason, but they boy said he doesn’t know where Ten is. “Why…I mean what’s going on?! Is he okay? Where are you? Are you guys alone or –”

“Chill, man. Ten’s safe it’s just that he’s really, _really_ drunk. I can’t carry him out the private lounge without being noticed!” _Uh oh_. Drunk Ten is not an easy matter to deal with. “I called you because I know you’re the only one who would volunteer to pick him up here. So stop bombarding me with questions and pick your whiny boyfriend here so Yugyeom and I could leave”

“Yugyeom?! Tell that kid to keep his hands off my man!” Johnny was about to further question Yukhei’s involvement with this yet hearing one of the names he loathes the most instantly pushed all the petty worries behind. The other members reacted the same—widened eyes and loud gasps. “Be here in 10 minutes.” Yukhei demanded.

No time left to waste, Johnny dashed. “Oh, see you in 7.”

 

And Johnny arrived 30 minutes later. Before leaving the dorm, he asked Taeyong to take care of everything. The called the managers to pick them up, while they lied and told that Johnny accompanied to Ten to a 24-hour pharmacy to get ointments and balms for his sudden allergic reactions. Everything is under control now. The Dreamies are about to get their most awaited slumber as well. They just hope that their managers will not suspect. That, alone, took 12 minutes. Then he realized that getting a taxi is not a safe option for drunk idols. So he rushed to a friend living nearby that bar named Oh Sehun. Yes, that kid from EXO. Sehun gave him the keys of the car in exchange of 5 bags dog food for Vivi. All in all, 30 minutes it is.

Johnny arrived in the bar that Yukhei mentioned. No one recognized him due to his black face mask and black hoodie. He also brought an extra jacket for Ten. That stubborn kid likes leaving the house wearing thin clothes. His inner stripper rules as always. The private lounge is located somewhere else according to the staff, so he roamed around and followed Yukhei’s instructions. Annoyed and worried, he reached the room at last. From the other side, he can hear a very loud, obnoxious voice of a man singing to _Everyday_ by _Ariana Grande. Oh god, Chittaphon. Stop embarrassing yourself!_

Johnny went in without knocking, only to see his boyfriend sprawled on the couch with a bottle of beer on hand, eyes closed, singing horribly, and totally wasted. Yukhei is sitting on a chair, shooting a death glare at Johnny. The elder looked around to examine the room. No trace of Yugyeom. “See you in 7, my ass!” Yukhei said, asking Johnny to come in and close the door.

“Where’s Yugyeom?!” Was the first thing he asked, ready to fight.  The entire nation knows how Yugyeom likes Ten. Thanks to _Hit The Stage_ for exposing him and igniting Johnny’s possessive side. That guy keeps on calling Ten from time to time, and if only Johnny could send him a video of him and Ten making out just to tell this young man to stay away from his property, he would’ve done it a long time ago.

Yukhei rolled his eyes and asked Johnny to come in. “I thought telling he’s here would make you move faster. Damn I was wrong.” Johnny ignored him as he trudged towards the couch where his man starts moving his hips to the same song he’s chanting earlier. “If you could only see the chaos in the dorm earlier, I swear you’ll understand why I’m late.” It surely sucks to be tricked but whatever! Ten is now in front of him. After all the downhills and tension earlier, nothing is pretty much better than this.

As Johnny paced towards his intoxicated boyfriend, Yukhei sat there and watched every move that the tall man does. The annoyance in Johnny’s face is visible, yet there’s still this very tender expression he flashed when he’s about to kneel in a small space between the table and the couch where Ten lies. He knelt there, admiring how beautiful Ten is with this flushed face, eyes closed, and dishevelled hair. Yukhei’s heart slowly melted into puddles, especially when Johnny started ruffling Ten’s hair and then planted a sweet peck on his forehead. Ten’s still doing all the weird stuff, yet Johnny seemed to ignore it. Yukhei loved the scene. He’s been supportive of all kinds of love ever since, and this scene before him made his heart feel different feels all at once. _Johnny loves Ten so much_ , Yukhei thought. 

“Do you really like to make people feel bad?” he abruptly asked Johnny. Caught off-guard, the elder turned around to face him. “Huh? What do you mean?” Questioned Johnny while his hand continues to play with Ten’s soft hair, making him feel safe and somehow calming him down. Yukhei sighed. For a moment, he wondered if he’s in the right position speak for Ten, but it took him one second to finally figure out the right thing to do.

“I GOT TO MOVE ON AND BE WHO I AM!!!!!!” That was probably Ten’s favorite song from _High School Musical_. He shouted too loud that Johnny had to cover his ears. Truly, drunk Ten is not the best one. Still bothered by what Yukhei said, Johnny tried to dig it again. “What did he said? What’s the problem? Did he tell you anything?” Worried, he asked. Something isn’t right. His boyfriend is not the type who would sneak out of the dorm to drink bottles of beer and not care about anything or anyone. “Please let him rest tonight. He’s exhausted. Do the talking tomorrow.” Advised Yukhei before picking the half empty beer bottle on Ten’s hand. Obviously, no one can talk to him at this state.

Finally understanding that there’s some serious shit going on, Johnny let out a stressed pant. He observed Yukhei move around the room to gather all the trash on a corner. His eyes widen when his sight landed on the table behind him. There were too many empty bottles which he failed to notice earlier. “Ten drank most of it.” Yukhei spoke, knowing that Johnny’s gaze got fixated on the horrifying image near him. It scared him, to be honest. Not because too much alcohol is not good for the body, and that is true though, but for Ten to consume this much, _what the fuck is going on?!_ Johnny bit his lips before looking back at his little boyfriend, who’s now incorporating incoherent words with the tune of _LANY’s Pink Skies_. The song Johnny sings to put Ten to sleep. The song that put both of their hearts at ease.  Out of all the words created to describe beauty and perfection, none of those would pass synonymous to Ten’s name, Johnny said to himself. He exceeds everything, everyone.  However, he must not admire his man at this point, not when something is not right.

“Get going.” Yukhei said, patting Johnny’s shoulder. “You need to get home before the managers suspect. I’ll take care of the bill.” Good, since Johnny spent all his remaining cash on dog food. _Damn, Sehun._ With a nod, he stood up and gave Yukhei a light hug. “Thank you, bro. I owe you one!”

Of course, he would do anything for Ten. That man is very polite, innocent, sweet, and nice. But that politeness vanished swiftly after 3 bottles of alcohol, and the rest was history. “Whatever,” he pushed Johnny and motioned to carry his man out of the place. “Give me a call when you arrive home.” And Johnny nodded.

Okay, this is it! They’re going home to officially close tonight’s case. Johnny bent down to hold Ten. “Ten, baby,” he softly called, “Let’s go home.” His voice soft as ever. Ten remained still, not lifting a finger nor opening his tightly shut eyes. He let out a whine instead. Johnny knew it would be very difficult for him to move a person who clearly doesn’t have any plans of moving a goddamn muscle. Yukhei sat there quietly, observing the two. “Hey, you need to wake up.” Johnny whispered to Ten’s ear, too close that his lips are already touching his boyfriend’s flesh.

That was Ten’s weakness, so it worked. He felt shivers all over his body, yet his mind remained clouded and everything’s still a blur. He slowly opened his eyes and attempted to get a better position on the couch. “What time is it?” he asked, not succeeding and eventually landing back on his previous spot. “It’s time to go home, your highness.” Johnny wrapped an arm around his shoulders to assist him in sitting up, but drunk Ten is just too uncooperative. 

“Hold on, peasant!” he lazily started by gripping onto Johnny’s arms as the elder carefully pulls him up. He’s slouching—still better than what Johnny saw earlier. But he looks too wasted, and Seo Youngho is 99.99% sure that Ten Chittaphon Leechiayapornkul will not be able to walk, change his clothes, brush his teeth, clean himself, and even explain to the entire group regarding his late night _Houdini_ skit. “Let me get my p— Where on earth is my phone?!” Shouted Ten, reaching out for random places on the small couch.

“It’s on your left hand, Ten.” Johnny replied, unamused at Ten’s actions.

It’s like a bulb instant turned on after hearing where his phone is. Ten reached for it right away. “Oh. Cool!” Watching that scene was hilarious, and Yukhei couldn’t hide his laughter at the back. Johnny rolled his eyes at the embarrassment Ten is building up for the both of them. _Why am I dating you, Chittaphon?!_ Seeing that Ten can still use his phone at this state is seriously astonishing. “You deserve a standing ovation for your patience, Youngho.” Yukhei chuckles as he stood up, clapping his hands lazily.

“You might as well consider constructing a monument for me.” Johnny sarcastically responded. He’s still kneeling on the floor, with his body between Ten’s slender legs.         There were beads of sweat rolling down his man’s forehead so Johnny moved up a little and wiped them away before placing a sweet peck on Ten’s shoulder. However, the younger seem not to care as he busies himself with the cellphone. Half lidded eyes focused on screen, as if he could really come up with something decent. Johnny doubts it.

In the midst of Johnny’s showcase of affection for his beloved, his phone rang. Expecting that it is from one of their managers or simply a very concerned leader named Lee Taeyong, Johnny immediately pulled his phone out of his pocket. With his surprise, the message is from this drunk guy sprawled before him.

 

**From: Baby ♡**

**Hhyeey bBaber pl;s picK meeew u0p.. at d bar Nxt 2 the cat ccAAafe 55555555555 lob u**

 

 _What the actual fuck, Ten?!_ Johnny whispered in confusion. Ten puts his phone down and closed his eyes, ready to drift into slumber. “Please wake me up when….” He yawned cutely, and Johnny wanted to squish him so bad. “….Johnny arrives.” Yukhei and Johnny looked at each other for several seconds; one trying to hold his laugh and the other one with invisible question marks floating over his head.

“This is why he can’t drink too much.” Johnny sighed, embarrassed.

Yukhei finally broke his silence with an annoying streak of laughter. “Too the extent that he fails to recognize people?!” asked the elder, which Johnny nodded in return. Chittaphon’s system shuts down when alcohol takes over him. “Babe, wake up!” he gently said while pushing Ten’s bangs off his sweaty forehead.

Ten stirred a little. “Don’t disturb my sleep, fam.” He replied lazily. “Johnny will be here soon.” And that’s when Johnny mouthed the nth _‘What the fuck’_ for the night. Truly, there’s no other nor better way of explaining and reacting on their current situation.

“What?! C’mon, Ten! It’s me!” Johnny wanted pour a glass of cold water on this immobile body, but there’s no way he would let Ten freeze in wet clothes. He moved closer to Ten and held his hands. “I’m here now, babe! Let’s go back home.” He instructed with his ever-so-sweet voice. But no matter how Johnny adjusts his voice, Ten remains unresponsive. Alcohol really does things.

 Yukhei stood there in silence, thinking of a way to get Ten out of this place. Johnny, the great Johnny Seo, has plans for sure, yet he feels like he must take responsibility of Ten’s misbehaviour. “Should we carry him?” He intrigued, walking towards the couple. Suddenly, Johnny shook his head and sighed. “You had some drinks too, kid. Sit down and think of an explanation that might work on Kun.” Oh, yeah. Kun hates the smell of alcohol, so if his roommate arrives tonight with such smell, there’s a 101% chance of Yukhei sleeping on the couch.

Johnny tries again. He must not stop until Ten recognizes him. “Ten,” his voice now more stiff and loud. Surprisingly, Ten moved a little, yet his eyes are still closed. “Hmmm?” he answered. “Ten, it’s Johnny.” Fingers crossed, Johnny hoped that Ten would be a bit cooperative now. He can feel his phone vibrating from his pocket. He didn’t bother to look at it, they’re about to go home anyway. The younger groaned and held on the couch for support. He’s trying to sit so Johnny assisted him. Back in their previous position, wherein Johnny kneels on the floor and just enough to face his boyfriend who’s sitting up lazily, Ten opens his eyes to stare at Johnny for a while.

Of course, Seo flashed his signature toothpaste beam despite the crippling stress. Ten got both of his eyes focused on Johnny for seconds. Everyone inside the room was waiting for a word from him. Suddenly, Ten changed his blank expression into an annoyed, unamused one. “You are not Youngho.” He replied before closing his eyes and falling back to the couch.

The problem here is Ten’s alcohol tolerance is unbelievably low. He can last up to two bottles, yet he emptied too many tonight. His mind is just too clouded, to the point that it’s very hard to recognize a face or even talk about things that matter. Johnny wanted to cry in frustration. Honestly, it is just a piece of cake to take Ten out of here—Johnny got some mad guns so carrying Ten is no biggie. What makes his heart cave in is the fact that Ten dragged himself into this state in order to forget whatever he’s feeling. And that rapport he must build with Ten right now. That’s quite an essential for drunk Chittaphon.

“I am Youngho, and we are going home.” He announced, standing up and holding the sleeping figure on his arms. Ten got lighter, Johnny realized. Blame all the late nigh practices and shitty diet plans provided by the company. He kissed Ten’s forehead as soon as he’s settled in Johnny’s arms. But the response was quite wild. Ten started struggling from the hold, causing for Johnny to loosen up a bit. “L-Let me down! I’m not leaving unless Youngho’s here!”

Yukhei interrupted. “Ten,” he called, and magically, the Thai boy stopped squirming. “We need to go.”

“But I asked Johnny to pick me up!” Ten protested as he successfully escaped from his boyfriend’s grip. He stood there, in front of Johnny, with his entire body reclining towards the taller figure. _Cute_. Johnny thought. “I’ll tell him I already hailed a taxi. Just....just go back to the dorm now,” Yukhei said, this is the least he can do; you will never ever win an argument with a drunk Chittaphon so surrendering is the best resort.

“Kun’s texting you now, I assume.” Sleepily, Ten answered while still relying on his man. “Get me a man who cares about his boyfriend.”  He continued. Johnny and Yukhei were frozen. The elder could feel his inside crumble upon hearing what Ten said. Sure, Ten is oblivious of what he is saying, but he cares for Ten more than he cares for himself. He can talk non-stop about a couple of things but to say that he needs a boyfriend who cares for him is pure bullshit. Johnny felt so useless. “Xuxi, tell Johnny to pick me up, please.” Ten requested with the voice that broke Johnny’s heart. It sounded so desperate and sad.

Johnny sighed before motioning to Yukhei to do the talking. Ten listens to him right now. It’s like Johnny’s voice was erased from his brain in an instant. “Ten, listen to me,” Yukhei went closer to the couple and ruffled Ten’s hair, which Johnny hated a little because _why the hell_ is he doing that to his boyfriend?! Nonetheless, we must let this guy work or they’ll end up with nothing. “The taxi’s here. You need to go back to the dorm or we’ll get doomed tomorrow. No need to wait for Johnny.” Yukhei paused, glanced at Johnny with worry, then back to Ten. “But I’ll talk to him, don’t worry.”

Giving up, Ten finally agreed. “Fine.” He whined. Yukhei smiled at Johnny and was about to say something when Ten started moving as if he could stand on his own. He tried, and as expected, he lost his balance right away. Good thing, his ever so perfect boyfriend was there to catch him. “Oh, hi tall person! Are you the driver?” Ten said with half-lidded eyes.

Johnny wondered how blurry Ten’s vision is. Why can’t he recognize me?! “Y-Yes. Let’s go?” No more time to play around, Johnny thought. Ten nodded and allowed Johnny to carry him on his back. “Yukhei, should I be worried? Can i trust this man?!” he mumbled against his boyfriend’s shoulder. Yukhei left the bill on the table and gathered his things, preparing to leave the place as well.

“I know him, Ten. I know him well.”

 

The three headed out of the room as fast as they could. The bar is still filled with people, and its still dark so no one noticed them. If there were any, there were few and probably didn’t see their bare faces—just tall figures passing by. They reached the car shortly after escaping from the suffocating place. Its more tranquil outside, fresh air and a sky full of bright stars. It’s beautiful, but not enough to surpass Ten’s eternal beauty. Johnny grinned as he stares at his boyfriend who had his head rested on a space between Seo’s neck and shoulder. “Okay, we have no more time for this staring game. Get your asses back home.” Yukhei instructed, annoyed at the scene before him.

He opened the door of the passenger seat, as Johnny carefully assisted Ten to get inside. “You are not my Johnny. My Johnny boy, my one and only sunshine, my main _b_ , the apple to my pie, the straw to my berry, the banana in my p—”

“Chittaphon is really territorial, huh? I like that.” Yukhei cheerfully said, leaning on the back part of the car. Johnny snapped right after closing the door for Ten. He blankly, glared at Yukhei. “No, you don’t.” He may not admit it, but Ten and Yukhei closeness makes him cringe at times. This kid is quite clingy. Johnny’s about to get in when he shot a look back at Yukhei. “Okay, meet me after practice tomorrow. We need to talk.”

Yukhei mumbled a low _‘what?_ ’ and scratched his nape. “Why am I getting this feeling that I will be fucking scolded?!” he asks himself aloud.

Johnny rolled his eyes. “And why the fuck not?!”

“Dude, I literally saved your ass! You owe me one!” the younger protested, pointing at Ten, who’s trying his best to put on a seatbelt. True, Yukhei saved the night and yeah, everyone’s ass.  Johnny agreed, nodding and taking Yukhei’s point. “Yes, I owe you one.”

The younger beamed and clapped. “That’s it! Case closed. Xuxi is out if this mess.” Yukhei prepared to leave, taking two steps away and waving goodbye. He needs to drag his semi-drunk self away

“No, not yet.” Johnny warned. He reached for Yukhei’s arm and gently pulled him back to his previous spot. Now this is getting serious. “You ditched your Korean language class, right?” Yukhei’s eyes widened, as if there’s no need to deny it because his expression screams the truth. Johnny continued. “Maybe I should tell the managers the real reason for your absence?”

There’s actually a better time to discuss about this, and Yukhei believes that he should keep himself off the couple’s mess, but he’s being squeezed in the middle and he shouldn’t be. “Man, Ten asked me! He sounded so stressed that’s why I dropped my plate and left!” Johnny remained silent. Yukhei ditched 2 language classes for Ten and there’s no room for regret. Ten needed someone, and he’s glad he’s there to offer his shoulder. “If you need someone to catch the blame for all these, catch it yourself! You’re the one who made Ten feel bad –” _Oops._ That one slipped.

Confused, Johnny reacted upon hearing his name. “What?!” he doesn’t understand a thing. When did he hurt Ten? The last time he checked they were good. _That was like…. yesterday._

“Instead of talking to me by daylight, talk to your boyfriend!” Yukhei suggested, making it a must for Johnny to prioritize what he must do, not what he wants to do.

Just when the younger thought everything was settled, Johnny came up with another matter. It seems like he doesn’t really want to let this pass for some reason. “And you think you can get away that easy?” he asked, annoyed. “Language classes are important, especially for you! And this! You two getting drunk at the middle of the night, in a local pub, is the worst idea you two can come up.” _So it’s the drinking now?_ Yukhei thought.

“If you’re angry about us drinking, let me remind you that I can handle myself well I times like this.” Defended the younger. He respects Johnny so much, but this agreement is not going anywhere if he remained passive.

“Oh! Now that were talking about the drinking, I also want to remind you that the entire group is aware that Ten can’t!” there was a strong sense of annoyance in Johnny’s voice, which made Yukhei mad. By the way Yukhei pictures it, he’s the one at fault because he teamed up with Ten’s plans despite of knowing how the Thai loses his shit every single time there’s alcohol in his bloodstreams.

“And it’s not my fault that a very close friend, almost like a brother, called me up in the middle of the night because his boyfriend’s last brain cell is about to die!”

In the middle of the heated discussion, a familiar voice was heard and its neither Johnny nor Yukhei. “Yas, Yukhei drag him!” Ten shouted in a high-pitched tone. Johnny almost chocked on his own saliva. _What the hell, Ten?!_ “Johnny Seo? More like Johnny Who?.”

The tall guys outside stayed silent, giving weird glances to each other. Johnny’s beyond confused now, he needs to take Ten home so he can rest, and maybe put his loud mouth at rest too. Yukhei sighed. He never wanted things to be like this; he’s pretty sure both Johnny and Ten wishes the same. “Wow. My boyfriend is on your side.” Said the elder, a bit disappointed. He smiled bitterly. Maybe he really fucked up. “That’s it. I need to take him to our dorm.” Johnny said, moving on the other side of the car. “Need a ride?”

“Nope. Just bring him home before the managers notice.” He ordered the elder. Johnny beamed before opening the door of the car. He’s about to get in when he looked back at Yukhei again. W _hat do you want now?!_ The younger whispered. “Before going home, I just want to thank you for being with Ten. I honestly have no idea about what he’s going through, but…thank you because you’re here for him when…I’m not.” The pain can be felt within those words. Yukhei wanted to hug Johnny and tell him that Ten loves him so much, but there’s an image to maintain. _Act normal, man! Act normal!_ He says to himself.  Johnny went on. “Listen to me. I don’t blame you. I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay? Let’s do this for Ten.” He begged, and Yukhei lost it. _Image: gone._

“It’s okay, man!” he replied with a tired smile. “Take care!” and Johnny nodded. He rode the car and finally, fucking finally, the car started moving. Yukhei was able to breathe normally now. Ten’s about to go back to the dorm, and Johnny’s no longer there to scold. However, the two needs to fix a handful of things.

 

The car exits the pub’s parking lot, and Ten hasn’t uttered a word yet. Johnny wonders if he should be thankful or not. A silent Ten is a bit new to him. The streets are empty since it’s already 2:24 A.M. As Johnny drives towards the main road, Ten opened his eyes and looked around. “You’re not going to kill me right?” he asked in the sweetest voice, looking at Johnny.

Not that Ten had an amensia or got blind. His sight gets too blurry when intoxicated. He can see the figure, but the features aren’t too clear. Johnny smiled. “No. I’ll take you to your dorm. You can sleep if you want.” Johnny said while looking at Ten, who’s sight was fixed in the view outside the window.

“It’s gonna be a long ass ride.” Ten replied, followed by a long yawn.

He didn’t sleep. For the past 5 minutes, Ten was just sitting there, starting at Johnny without saying anything. His boyfriend knows, yet he focused on driving. The blush in Ten’s face is still noticeable despite the city lights reflecting against his radiant skin. “Is it normal for you to drive at this ungodly hour?”

Johnny giggled, which Ten finds really cute. _It reminded him of someone_. “Nope, bit do I have a choice?”

Ten smiled a little. “Why are you so _freakishly_ handsome?”

Johnny blushed, yet he’s thrilled that Ten acknowledged his looks despite of the alcohol induced vision impairment. “You can see me?” he asked, excited because his boyfriend is back on his senses…or maybe not at all.

“Am I not supposed to see you?” Ten questioned, sounding like a little boy. Johnny wanted to pinch his cheeks so bad, but no, he’s driving and kind off angry at Ten for being stubborn.  “Are you a ghost?!” Ten reached out to poke Johnny’s arm, surprised when he felt firm muscles underneath the cloth.

The other laughed. “No!” He made a swift glance at his boyfriend. “You can’t really recognize me? It’s me, Johnny!”

Ten looked back, unamused. “I hate pretentious people.” He mumbled, making Johnny laugh. “You’re not even close to him.” Somehow, dating Johnny, or even just meeting him, made a massive impact on Ten’s standards when it comes to men. His boyfriend raised the bars high enough; it is like he’s the only one who can reach it or even beat it. And Ten got zero complains at all. Youngho is perfect and no one can ever change that.

Johnny smiled. “But you said I’m handsome?!” he questioned, and Ten sat up straight. Looks like he’s up for an argument.

“Yeah, you are! But he’s million times better!” Answered the younger, almost whining because he hates the fact that must protest about his boyfriend’s handsomeness to a guy he doesn’t even know. Also, this sounds so pointless to Ten for he believes that this driver right here doesn’t know Johnny.  All of a sudden, Ten snapped. “And he can imitate parrot sounds too.“ he added, proud as ever.

That parrot skit haunts him every day. He tries his best to bury that incident underneath the earth’s mantle, yet his boyfriend keeps on digging it up. Ten finds it adorable though. “He sounds fun.” Johnny replied, emotionless.

“He is.”

 

The roads are free from traffic, so Johnny assumed they will be home in an hour. He stopped over a convenience store and grabbed some medicines and snacks in the fastest time he can. Ten might get hungry along the way, better be prepared. A hungry and drunk Chittaphon is much, _much_ worst. He got the supplies and started driving again. He gave Ten a bottle of cold water.

“I will call you Mr. Driver. Is that okay?” Ten asked like a little kid. Johnny fights all the forces in his physique that tells him to hug his boyfriend. This cutie might freak out and that does not sound good. Johnny nodded. “No problem. I’ll call you Ten?” Johnny answered, playing along.

The younger struggled to uncap his water bottle, yet he made it after a couple of attempts. “Call me cutiepie.” Replied Ten after taking a gulp. _Whoa! Babe, are you flirting with a taxi driver_? Johnny thought, shaking his head in disbelief. Well again, Ten is drunk; we can’t trust him at this point.

“Okay, Ten Chittaphon Leechiayapornkul.” Johnny said every single syllable flawlessly, which caught Ten offguard.

Suddenly, Ten felt a pang in his chest. He recalled Johnny out of the blue. He remembered how his boyfriend tried his best to pronounce his name correctly way back their trainee years. Johnny became very eager in learning Thai too, so Ten taught him a lot when they have time. However, there are only 4 people in the group who can say his name loud and clear. The first one is Taeyoung, next is Mark, third is Jaehyun, and the last one, who happens to be the best one too, is Johnny. ”You said that?!” Ten mumbled, amused.

Beaming, Johnny replied. “I just did.” Truth is, Johnny likes calling Ten by his real name. It sounds so smooth, and he likes seeing the glow in Ten’s beautiful eyes every time Johnny calls him that. The little grin on Ten’s lips slowly vanished as he shrugged and focused back on the window. His face looked to sad, it’s ripping Johnny apart.

No one tried to break the ear shattering silence for five minutes. It started to rain, and the car got cooler. Ten watched the raindrops slide down the window. His head hurts to bad, and he can’t even recognize some of the signs on the road due to his blurred vision, but he tried so hard to focus on something. Maybe that could ease the pain in his heart. “Mr. Driver,” he softly called, and again, Johnny stopped himself from rubbing Ten’s knee like he usually does. He must control himself now. “Hmmm?”

“I have a hugeass….problem.” Johnny though Ten would talk about his ass at first, yet he immediately said it is a problem, so be it. This sounded so wrong. Imagine if Johnny is not the one with Ten as of the moment. He’s just about to disclose a personal information to someone he just met. Good thing, it’s his boyfriend. Johnny sensed that this problem is the reason why he wasted his night on alcohol and sadness. A part of Johnny tells him to ask Ten about it so they could fix it right away, yet the other half wishes they could just talk in the morning because he is pretty sure there’s no way he could take a glance of a crying Chittaphon at the end of the conversation.

 _Curiosity won_. “About?”

 _And it’s about to kill the cat_. “I’m not sure about sharing it with you.” Ten replied. Relieved, Johnny sighed. At least Ten thought about that.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Johnny said in the gentlest manner. He doesn’t want to pressure Ten. The younger nodded, but his expression got gloomier. The weather’s not helping too. “But you know,” Ten muttered, fumbling at the hem of his shirt. “I feel like crying. Can I cry in your car?” he asked, almost like begging. Before Johnny could process everything, Ten starts with a sniff, and by the moment Johnny glanced at his boyfriend, he’s already a crying mess.

Johnny wanted to stop the car and pull him in the tightest embrace ever, but they are in the middle of an expressway. And Johnny, he’s currently not Youngho in Ten’s eyes. This is the last thing that he wants to see; Ten crying in pain.  He wants to sob too, just to get a fair share of whatever his man is feeling. But he can’t. “Ten…” Johnny called, his heart beating so fast that it could pop off his chest in no time. He handed his handkerchief to the younger.

Ten calmed down a little, taking the piece of cloth to wipe his tears. “I’m sorry….” He said. “You’re…taking too long to respond.”

As of now, Johnny made his decision firm. He needs to know what’s up. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Ten shook his head, looking back at the window. “No. It’s not safe. Just…just let me cry here. Don’t mind me.”

 _I hate seeing you like that, baby_. Johnny whispered, too low for anyone to hear. “I will keep it as a secret until my last breath. I swear.”

“Promise?” Ten intrigued, quite convinced with Johnny’s nice intentions. Johnny nodded, although Ten didn’t see it. “Cross my heart.” He answered. There was a deep sigh made by Ten before he shifted his sight to the view in front of him. The scenery on the window became too boring. “It’s going to be between you, me, Yukhei, Kun and….Taeyong.” Ten said, using his slender fingers to count. Johnny was shocked. He thought it is only Yukhei who knows. Well, Kun is Yukhei’s roommate so it’s not surprising if he knows it too. But Taeyong! Lee Taeyong! His own roommate kept this problem from him? _What the fuck is going on?!_

“I’m listening, babe.” Johnny wished Ten didn’t catch the endearment at the end, and fortunately, he didn’t.

There was a moment of silence. Ten wondered if he’s doing the right thing. He doesn’t want to open a topic so controversial, but he can’t hold it in. Not when this driver, who makes him feel so safe, is letting him talk his heart out. Ten’s system might be swimming in alcohol, distorting his thoughts, but the strong emotions coming from his insides are just too strong. He will not fail in this one. _Here goes nothing_. “There’s this man,” he started, and Johnny sighed. _Who the hell is this man?!_ “….fine as hell. Let’s call him by the name….” Ten tries hard to think of a pseudonym, and it left Johnny anxious. _Why does he need to cover up of that man?_! “Let’s call him Seo Youngho!”

 _Wow. It’s me_. Johnny said to himself, unamused. He focused on the road, yet he promised to keep his ears open for Ten’s rants. “Johnny?” Johnny asked, and Ten nodded. “That person. My person.” Replied the younger. Not to be that kind of boyfriend, but Johnny secretly loves it when Ten claims him like that. That’s why he got annoyed at Yukhei earlier, when they talked about Ten being territorial and all. Because he wants Ten to be that selfish just for him. “And?” Johnny asked, itching to know more.

“He’s my boyfriend.” Ten mentioned too natural, as if he’s only talking with a close friend. No hint of nervousness at all. “And?” Johnny knows this already. They’ve been together for years! He needs more that just this. On the other hand, Ten was quite surprised with the reaction he’s getting. Not that this driver seems uninterested, but that was not the reaction he’s been expecting. “Wait…you didn’t freak out?!” Ten gawked at Johnny, he still can recognize his boyfriend’s face. Of course, same sex relationships are not that accepted in Korea. _Mr. Driver is such an angel. He’s not making it hard for me.  Ten thought_. “Why would I?” Answered Johnny. “I have a boyfriend too.”

Oh. OH. Ten smiled widely. It felt nice that he’s with someone who understands his situation. “Wow! That’s nice!” Ten cheered. That was a 360 degree character transition. “Tell me something about him!” he asked sweetly. Ten likes gossips, and sweet stories, and fluff, but this is not the right time for Johnny to talk about Ten to Ten himself. Got it? “Later. Let’s talk about us…I mean Johnny first.” Johnny commanded.

Johnny glanced at his watch. 2: 51 AM. They are still far from the dorm. Ten was silent for a while, and Johnny understand if he suddenly feels like turning back. After all, it’s not easy to talk about this. Nonetheless, knowing that Ten has serious issues with him is gradually killing him inside. “He doesn’t love me anymore.”

Not expecting to hear such statement, Johnny accidentally stopped the car at the middle of the road. It was too strong that Ten almost bumped his head on the window. Thank God for seatbelts. It scared the younger a little. “What?!” Johnny almost shouted. The car remains there, good thing they are no longer in the expressway and there are lesser vehicles in this area. He can’t help it. Johnny can never take that lightly. All this time, he did everything to make Ten feel his love, but what is he saying just now? Johnny knows that he’s lacking at times, yet to come up with a very heavy revelation, accompanied by strong emotions enough to send him to a drinking spree, everything must not be enough all along. “What the hell are you saying, Ten?!” Asked Johnny, looking at Ten who looked back with a soulless expression.

“Now you’re freaking out.” Ten replied, pointing out the abrupt aggressive behavior showed by his company.

Johnny got no time for this. He started the car once again and begun driving. He’s aware that he scared the shit out of Ten earlier by pulling up randomly, but it seems like the younger is just too bothered to care.  “Explain.” He ordered. _Focus on your driving, Seo. Don’t get distracted_. Johnny repeated his current mantra in his head.

“Mr. Driver, my boyfriend is such a loser.”

This feels like a normal conversation—something Ten says on a regular basis. “How much of loser?”

Ten asked himself for the last time. He needs to get this off his chest. For a while, he wondered why he never felt this secured when he and Yukhei talked about these over alcohol. “He doesn’t have time for me anymore.” Ten spoke in a low tone, looking down on his lap and playing with a water bottle. “I don’t know if he’s just really busy or he’s no longer in love with me.”

“Wh—”

Ten cut him off, not even warning him about it. “I know we’re both in a group, promoting and practicing shit. I mean, this is a dance for two, but it feels like I’m dancing alone, on my own.” Johnny was silent, overwhelmed with the words he’s been hearing. He never thought that Ten would be in such state. He’s always wearing that vibrant smile the outshines the sun. He makes everyone feel better with just a subtle beam and his weird jokes.  Ten is a ball of happiness, yet he hit the rock bottom.

Johnny’s grip on the stirring wheel tightened. He doesn’t know what to do, say, and feel. Yet it didn’t end there, Ten continued. “I don’t want to compare the intensity of our schedules because basically his are more complex due to the radio shows and Nihonggo classes. He’s really busy and I understand that, but is it too much to ask for a little time to be with him?” Ten’s voice was so low and he wanted to cry his heart out once more. He recalled the time when Johnny promised that he’ll stay with Ten all the time. Ten knows what that means; Johnny will be there to support him and be his safe haven in times of pain. That means Johnny will never leave.  But where was he when Ten needed him the most?

“When we are promoting, I don’t know but it feels like we are a few thousand miles apart even though we’re just inches away from each other. It feels like someone’s drifting, and I just can’t pull him back in.” Johnny felt bad. He remembered the times wherein he tried to be distant with Ten during their promotions because he wants to give other members some attention too. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to give Ten the attention and affection that he deserves. “He doesn’t have time for me anymore. I understand that he must attend his commitments, but he’s committed to me too.”

“Johnny loves you so much. Believe me.” Was the only statement Johnny could produce. His head hurts, his heart caved in, and his eyes are begging to water. His arms scream for Ten’s warmth, but he can’t. Maybe later, when Ten’s conscious enough to recognize him.

“We’ve been together for long. I have issues and weird habits, and Youngho knows everything. I can be too stubborn and annoying at times. I will not be surprised if he got tired of me.” The elder sighed, Ten got some crazy habits and mannerisms, but Johnny accepted everything from the moment he realized he’s in love with Ten. Acknowledging his flaws made Johnny realize that Ten remains to be the most perfect guy in his life.

“Do you love Johnny?”

Ten nodded, twisting the cap of the water bottle he’s holding. “I won’t be like this if I don’t.” He mumbled. “All my life, I have countless doubts and questions about things around me, but Youngho’s the only one I’m sure of.”

The car stopped at the middle of the road as Johnny pulled the breaks too hard again. His heart felt so crumpled upon hearing those words. He feels so small right now— so vulnerable, so weak, so fragile. And it’s all because of Ten. Only Ten can make him feel this way.

Ten is the type of person who rarely expresses his feelings through words so all his gestures, looks, and actions means so much more. Johnny knew how his boyfriend struggles to live away from the painful constraints of his own thoughts. There were nights when Ten lies in bed, crying his heart out and saying that he’s not good enough to be on stage. There were times when Johnny wakes up to countless messages from Ten at 3AM, saying that he wants to quit the company and start a new life back in Thailand. Nonetheless, Johnny loves his man more than he knows. He would give Ten a call and calm him down, sing sweet songs to him despite of very deep singing voice, or even sneak out of the 127 dorm just to cuddle with Ten in the Dreamies’.  Ten is still young and he still has a lot to figure out, yet Youngho promised that he will never leave Ten’s side as he searches for answers.

 Ten’s head almost hit the windshield. “Do you really want us to die?!” he yelled, gripping on the seatbelt.

Johnny calmed himself for a second. He needs to keep his focus on the driving. They need to get home safely. “Ten, I’m really sorry. I don’t know how to make it up to you.” He answered, starting the engine once again and finally hitting the road.

“Just take me home safely. That’s the only way you can make up for almost killing us.”

“I’m so sorry. You deserve better –”

“Don’t feel bad, Mr. Driver. You’re not Johnny. I bet he’s in the dorm right now, sleeping way too deep because the radio show drained him again.” Ten sighed.  He took his phone out of his pocket, stared at his wallpaper for a while before Johnny noticed that it was actually his picture. Ten took that photo when they secretly went to Chicago few months ago. The younger smiled. “I hope he’s okay. I hope he’s not hurting as much as I do. My baby’s working so hard. I love him.”

 A tear slipped out of Johnny’s eye without him fully acknowledging it. “Seeing you like that sure hurts Johnny even more.” He softly spoke, wiping the tears off his eyelids to give him a better view of the road ahead.  “You’re too good for Johnny. He is truly fortunate to find a man like you. I guess he saved the entire planet in his past life.” Ten chuckled and Johnny hoped that he was able to lift a weight from Ten’s worn out heart.

“Everything is just too overwhelming right now. I started promoting again with the boys, travelling from one place to another, and it feels like I must adjust again because I’ve been kept in the dungeon for too long. I miss my family. I miss Johnny. I’m happy but I can’t escape the loneliness sometimes.” Ten paused, he looked down at his lap and sighed heavily, as if he’s been holding his breath for the longest time now. “So I was planning to go back in Thailand since last month. For a vacation, I guess.”

Johnny almost pulled the breaks again, yet he managed to work on his reflexes. Ten needs to feel safe by now. “And you’re not telling me?!” he asked, outraged by what he heard. His boyfriend making huge plans without telling him? _It’s a fucking emergency._

“I’m telling you now, Mr. Driver.” Ten rolled his eyes. He made a cute yawn and pulled his jacket closer to his body as the rain outside poured harder. Johnny gave him a swift glance, admiring his stubborn baby boy for a moment. “Why would you go to Thailand at the midst of promotions?” This time, Johnny used a softer voice. He can still remember his boyfriend’s schedule for the entire month, and it’s completely jam-packed.  Too full that he felt bad for Ten.

The younger replied. “I need time to think, okay?”

 _To think_? Johnny thought. Usually, when Ten’s really bothered by something or someone, he would talk to Johnny or to any member he’s very comfortable with. Sometimes, he slips out of the dorms and have a short time for himself in the most peaceful outskirts of the city. Going to Thailand, which is obviously few hundred miles away, has been Ten’s most outrageous idea in line with thinking to date.  “You can’t think at the dorm?” Answered Johnny, trying hard not to sound rude.  Ten sighed and shook his head lightly. “Let’s just say that everything goes messy when I’m making decisions here in Korea.”

For a short while, Johnny’s heart was wrapped with fear. Because for Johnny, Ten leaving him at this point might be synonymous to Ten leaving him for good. “You need a vacation because you need to think about things between you and Johnny. Am I right?” He dared to ask although waiting for the littlest reply kills him slowly.

Ten nodded, head still against the window. “Yeah.” And that fixes the puzzle. Johnny never felt this bad before. He felt like he failed as a person, as a partner. He promised not to hurt Ten, but his man wants to leave his side for now and maybe reconsider where their love is heading.

However, Johnny thought of a reply that would probably help Ten re-evaluate everything without sounding like Johnny. “Ten, talking to him personally is much cheaper than airfare.” He suggested, earning a sweet giggle from Ten. Johnny reached out for Ten’s hand underneath his long, soft sleeve, and gave it a very light squeeze. “And that definitely means solving the problem.”

“I know, ” Said the younger, and Johnny gave a low ‘ _yes’_. The rain pours harder and Ten kept on pulling his jacket closer to his. “But sometimes people really need to walk away for a while. They need some time to think and find what they’re looking for. When they’re done, they will come back and solve the problems they left.” He doesn’t sound like a drunk person that moment, he sounded like the normal Ten; the Ten who’s tired of explaining to the managers why he’s always gone in the middle of the night, the Ten who calls Johnny quarter past 2 o’clock in the morning just to share his misunderstanding with Doyoung, the Ten who keeps on saying that he’s strong but is hurting deep down his core.

“And what if you don’t find whatever you’re searching for?” Johnny asked, hands tightly gripping on the string wheel and doing his best to focus on his driving.

Ten looked at his direction, in which Johnny prayed for Ten to finally recognize him. They’ve been driving ad talking for too long now, Ten should’ve noticed any of Johnny’s features. The younger smiled but there was a hint of sadness in it. “I often walk away because I need something, and it’s human nature to grip on whatever feeds that need no matter what it takes. I always find the pieces I search for. I went to the riverside once after a long fight with Johnny. I was very upset because I saw a text message of female trainee in his inbox. I fucked up that time, even if Johnny kept on apologizing, because I shouldn’t have played the police and inspected his phone.” Johnny remembered that night. During their trainee days, he got a text from Wendy it was a disgustingly sweet if the person who will read it doesn’t know how they treat each other. Johnny and Wendy are very good friends, more like siblings. Ten read it, he got mad, and asked Johnny why he never told him about Wendy. On the other hand, Johnny called out Ten for his clinginess to everyone despite of having a boyfriend. They ended up having a huge argument in front of the members to the point that the very young Jisung cried out of shock. Johnny sighed, he doesn’t want to go back to that day anymore. After all, Ten still blames himself. “I left the dorm that night because if I stayed there a little longer, I’d definitely self-destruct. I left the dorm with thousands of questions floating in my clouded head. How long will Johnny still be with me? Does he love me? Can we still fix everything? Am I not enough?” Ten paused, sniffing. He’s crying? Johnny glanced at him and saw how his eyes glistened, cheeks puffed, and lips jutted. Ten looks so beautiful, and Johnny thought, again, that even the word _beautiful_ itself is no longer fit for him. It’s like Johnny wants to make Ten’s name into a new word that would exactly describe such marvel.

“You found your answers?” Johnny asked. Ten never opened about his feelings after that argument. They promised not to talk about it ever again. He never knew how Ten felt that time. The pain, the worthlessness, the doubt—it all pierces his heart all over again.

“I was able to find the peace that isn’t present within the four corners of the dorm. I saw happy, old couples, and wondered how many arguments they’ve survived. Then I saw a kid who’s crying because he dropped his toy and it broke into half. I realized that he will not cry if the toy isn’t broken in the first place, if he held it tight, but we can’t control such instances. Just like in Johnny and I’s situation at that time, no one held tight enough to prevent us from breaking, no one saw it coming and it run out of hand. But the pieces are still there, never gone. We need to save all that we can and put them back together to start again with all the lessons that we learned.” Ten smiled, looking at the sight before them. His face brightened up, and Johnny felt better in an instant. He recalled how Ten came back that night. Johnny waited for him in front of the building, tired from crying. Ten arrived and they immediately pulled each other in a tight embrace while whispering all those ‘ _I’m sorry’, ‘I love you’, ‘I’ll will never hurt you again’_ and _‘I am all yours._ ’ Young love, really. “If it’s about Johnny, I will always find a way. I’ll talk to him. I’m gonna give it a shot.”

Johnny wished for this car ride to end as soon as possible so he can put Ten into his arms and kiss him to sleep, then they can talk everything out next morning. He’s such a lucky person because Ten, the ever so understanding, loving, and caring Chittaphon, is in his life. “Johnny loves you so much. More than the radio shows, more than the stage, more than his piano.”

Ten beamed. “I love him too, above anything else.”  A short moment of silence passed by and Ten’s worries for that night continues to pour. “I’m not special, Mr. Driver. I am just another flawed kid and Johnny is one fine man. He deserves the world.”

Johnny knew what to say right after hearing those from Ten. Without thinking twice, Johnny replied. “But you are Johnny’s universe, Ten.” And Ten responded with a satisfied smile. “Are we there yet? It’s so cold here.” The younger complained, voice still a muffled and soft. “4 more kilometers, Ten. Please rest for a while.” Johnny answered, stopped on a sidewalk and he removed his jacket to drape it onto the curled figure next to him.

“This smells like Johnny…” Ten whispered, eyes shut and about to drift into slumber. “Smells like _my_ home. ”

3: 22 A.M. They’re still on their way back to the dorm, yet both of them knew they’re home.

**Author's Note:**

> //im so sorry for all the typos and grammatical errors!! 
> 
> thank you for reading the first part!! <3


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